I’m Not Waitin’ Around For a Man to Save Me*

As society has changed, it goes without saying (but I’ll say it) that many people’s views on a lot of things have changed. There are myriad examples of this; I’ll just focus on one: views of people, especially women, who remain single. It used to be a common belief that no woman would choose to remain single, and that any woman who was a spinster was, well, somewhat odd – possibly even a burden on her family. And many women will tell you that there’s still pressure to pair up. But it’s becoming more and more common for a woman (and plenty of men, too) to stay single. We certainly see it in real life, and it shows up in crime fiction, too.

Agatha Christie’s novels feature several women who’ve never married. In some cases (e.g. in The Murder of Roger Ackroyd, One, Two, Buckle My Shoe, and The Clocks), these women keep house for their brothers. In that sense, they meet societal expectations. In Dumb Witness, we meet Julia and Isabel Tripp, spinster sisters who have a set of unusual beliefs; they’re not depicted in a particularly respectful way. And yet, one could also argue that Christie was ahead of her time in depicting successful single women. For instance, fans of Cat Among the Pigeons will know that the novel features Miss Honoria Bulstrode, who owns and heads Meadowbank, an exclusive school for girls. Hercule Poirot, who investigates murder, kidnapping, and more at the school, shows a great deal of respect for her. So does his creator. And I certainly couldn’t discuss Agatha Christie novels without mentioning Miss Jane Marple, who has never married. She is smart, independent, and quite able to negotiate life without a husband. She’s not seen as ‘weird’ for never marrying, either. Christie’s work is an interesting mixed bag when it comes to the way single women are depicted.

Barbara Metz’ Amelia Peabody series (which she wrote under the name of Elizabeth Peters) features historical mysteries that take place in the 1920s. In the first novel, Crocodile on the Sandbank, Miss Peabody has planned a trip to Egypt. When her travel companion becomes ill, she needs to find someone else to join her. At that time, it was still considered unusual for a woman to travel alone, and Miss Peabody has not married. By chance, she meets Evelyn Barton-Forbes, who has her own sad history. She asks Evelyn to join her as a companion, and Evelyn agrees. The two women begin their journey and soon find themselves drawn into a web of superstition, theft, and more. In this novel Miss Peabody meets an archaeologist called Radcliffe Everson and his brother Walter. They begin a relationship, but Miss Peabody is no shrinking violet hoping to find a husband. She is independent, wealthy enough not to need money, and not eager to get married and settle down.

More recently, there’ve been several female characters who are content to be single. They aren’t looking to marry, and even if they have relationships, they’re not looking to settle into the role of traditional wife. For instance, in Ellery Queen’s The Fourth Side of the Triangle, Queen and his father, Inspector Richard Queen, investigate the murder of famous designer Sheila Grey. As they look into the victim’s background, they find that she was well off, single, and independent. In fact, she had no interest at all in marrying or having children. She did have relationships, though, and the Queens investigate those as well. They learn that she was involved with two members of the ‘blueblood’ McKell family: Ashton McKell and his son Dane. Was that the reason for her murder? Did Ashton’s wife Lutetia know about his relationship with Sheila, and is she guilty? It’s a complicated puzzle, and Sheila’s views of being single and being married play their role as the story unfolds.

In Virginia Duigan’s The Precipice, we are introduced to Thea Farmer. She is a former school principal who bought her dream home in the Blue Mountains of New South Wales. However, bad luck and poor decision-making have meant that she had to sell that home and settle for a smaller house nearby. When Frank Campbell and Ellice Carrington buy the home that Thea still considers hers, she is resentful and prepared to heartily dislike the couple. Matters are made more difficult when Frank’s twelve-year-old niece Kim moves in. Oddly enough, Thea and Kim begin to form an awkward friendship, so Thea gets concerned when she begins to believe that Frank is not providing an appropriate home for the child. When the police won’t listen to what she says, Thea makes her own plans. Throughout the novel, Thea is depicted as strong, independent, and in no need of a relationship or marriage. She’s hardly perfect, but she’s not considered ‘odd’ for staying single.

Fans of Elly Griffith’s Ruth Galloway can tell you that her focus is on her work as a forensic anthropologist associated with North Norfolk University. She is a single mother who is strong and independent. She has gotten pressure from her family to marry, and she has had relationships. But she would rather stay single than be with someone just for the sake of being that someone’s wife. On the one hand, that’s made some fans wonder if her love life will be resolved. On the other, she is quite capable as a single person, and not eager to give up what she sees as her freedom.

There are plenty of other examples of women who choose to remain single, even if they have relationships. It’s an accepted way to live life now, although not everyone approves. And it’s interesting to see how society’s views on the topic have changed.

*NOTE: The title of this post is a line from Natasha Bedingfield’s Single.


12 thoughts on “I’m Not Waitin’ Around For a Man to Save Me*

  1. Ha, as a spinster of a certain age I’m certainly aware of how attitudes have changed but also stayed the same. I’ve gone from the pitying looks and kindly “you’ll find somebody someday” to the pitying looks and kindly “did you never marry, then?” and of course, the pitying looks and kindly “have you no children, then?” Some things never change! 😂

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    1. Yikes, FictionFan! You’re getting those sorts of comments in these days? And they’re always delivered, as you say, in those kindly tones and with those pitying looks. I’m glad you can laugh at it, and you’re right that it shows how little things change. Yes, in many ways, it’s easier to choose to be single now than it was. But some people just haven’t kept up with the times. I find it amusing in a way, too, that people like that think you’re interested in their opinions about your life…

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  2. So interesting, Margot. I think crime fiction is an area where single women have always shone as lead characters – Christie was strong on this, but there are any number of them – but they’ve come to the fore even more with modern crime writings. Lead female characters are very much the norm now!

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    1. Thank you, KBR. I do think you’re right about crime fiction. There’ve always been a number of single women in the genre, including lead characters. As you say, Christie did that very well, and she’s certainly not the only one! And now, it’s indeed the norm. There are more strong female leads than ever!

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  3. Yes, it’s been suggested to me, only widowed for just over a year, that I could find someone else. A friend of mine the same. Neither of us want that for ourselves. We miss our husbands, yes, but both of us see this next period of our lives as a new stage where we find new ways of doing things and an opportunity to try new things. (I’m doing Latin for instance.) I know people mean well when they suggest that single ladies (or men) and widows or widowers should find someone else but that’s not always ‘our’ plan.

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    1. Thanks for your perspective, Cath. It does seem that people want to pair others up, so I can see how you and your friend would get those well-meaning pieces of advice about meeting someone. But as you show, that’s not always what a single person wants. Many single people want to try new things, make their own plans, and so on. And that doesn’t always include finding a partner.

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  4. Recently I have read some newish mysteries that feature independent women who are not looking for a relationship or a man. For example Susan Juby’s Helen Thorpe series and the Claire DeWitt series by Sara Gran. Admittedly they are not in the majority. And in real life, I think expectations are different although I don’t understand why.

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    1. You have a point, Tracy. Those series (and there are others) feature strong female protagonists who aren’t married and have no interest in marrying. I think in part it reflects the increasing diversity we’re seeing in crime fiction. Thanks for sharing both the Helen Thorpe and Claire DeWitt series. They’re good examples of how single women are depicted in the genre. As you say, it’s not always the same in real life; expectations are sometimes different. I’m not sure why, either…

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  5. How about Sue Grafton’s Kinsey Milhone in the alphabet books? she has had relationships (including a marriage IIRC before the series started) But you always feel this is someone who doesn’t need a man, and is happier living alone in her converted garage, with only herself to please. She is living her best life, and I can’t imagine anyone pitying her.

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    1. You know, Moira, I almost included Kinsey Millhone in this post! I didn’t in the end, so I’m very glad that you did. She does, indeed, do just fine on her own, and although she does have relationships, it’s easy to see that she’ll be fine with or without them. And no, no-one would pity her.

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