As we mature, we change and grow. And sometimes that means that, once we’re adults, we want more than anything to forget that insecure, possibly gawky young person we used to be. What we want is for people to see us as successful, competent adults. That can be hard to do, when we meet up with people who knew us during those years we’d like to wish away. Not only can those encounters be awkward, but they can also stir up the very insecurity we thought we left behind. That sort of discomfort can make for effective tension-building in a crime novel. It can even be a motive for murder. At the very least, it adds a layer to character.

Dorothy L. Sayers’ Harriet Vane has that experience in Gaudy Night. She’s a successful novelist who, in this story, has been invited back to her alma mater for their Gaudy festivities. At first, she doesn’t want to go. She’s rather notorious for having been mixed up in a murder investigation (check out Strong Poison for that story). But she’s finally persuaded to make the trip. The whole time she’s en route, she’s concerned about the impression she’ll make, and what people will think of her. Once back at at her alma mater, she gets drawn into the investigation of vandalism and other unsettling events that have been taking place at the college.

As Claire McGown’s The Lost begins, we are introduced to London-based forensic psychologist Paula Maguire. She gets a request to return to her hometown of Ballyterrin, in Northern Ireland, to set up a cold case review team. She has very mixed feelings about it, as she had her reasons for leaving. But her father is laid up with a broken leg, and taking the job will give her the opportunity to look after him. So, she returns. Almost immediately, she and her team begin investigating the disappearance of two girls. The case leads Maguire and her team to other disappearances and to some dark things going on in Ballyterrin. Through it all, things sometimes get a little awkward for Maguire. Everyone in town knows her, and as they see it, ‘wee Paula Maguire has come home.’ That means lots of questions, and there’s the old flame who’s now editor of the local paper…

Total Chaos, the first of Jean-Claude Izzo’s Marseilles trilogy, introduces Fabio Montale, who’s a police officer. He grew up on the very streets he now patrols and spent a great deal of time with his two best friends Pierre ‘Ugo’ Ugolini, and their friend Manu. The three of them got into trouble more than once, until one night, there was a tragedy. That made Montale re-think his choices in life. He left Marseilles to join the military and ended up joining the police force. Ugo and Manu, on the other hand, were drawn into the underworld and criminal activity. Then, Manu is killed. Ugo is driven to avenge his friend’s death, but then he himself is murdered. Now, Montale is determined he’s going to find out who’s responsible. In some ways, Montale’s return to his hometown has been awkward. He was a troublemaker who now has to be taken seriously as a cop. In other ways, though, he has a real understanding of young people who spend their time on street corners or getting in trouble. He even has compassion for them, and that helps him see through some of the hypocrisy in the police department.

Ruth Ware’s In a Dark, Dark Wood begins as journalist Leonora ‘Nora’ Shaw gets an invitation from Florence ‘Flo’ Clay to a hen do for Clare Cavendish, Flo’s best friend and Nora’s former classmate. Nora hasn’t seen Clare for ten years, and hasn’t really kept in touch with her, so she’s not sure why she’s on the invite list. But, she and her best friend Nina da Souza, who’s also been invited, agree to go as moral support for each other. The weekend begins well enough. The group of partygoers are gathered at a remote home owned by Flo’s aunt, and at first, things go smoothly enough, although there’s a little awkwardness. Gradually, though, old things are brought up, some unkind things are said, and the tension level rises. It all leads to tragedy, and it shows what it’s like to be reminded of those old anxieties.

And then there’s Rebecca Makkai’s I Have Some Questions For You. Bodie Kane is a critic and podcaster who’s been living in LA. She’s invited back to her high school, elite and prestigious Granby, to give a course on podcasting. Bodie isn’t sure she wants to do this. High school was not an easy time for her, and she remembers how the wealthy, privileged students who went there acted. At the time, she was an unsettled, awkward teenager with her own share of baggage, a lot of which she doesn’t want to remember. But she agrees to go. One of her students wants to do a podcast about a murder that occurred at Granby – the death of Thalia Keith. Bodie isn’t impartial about this. She knew Thalia (they were roommates for a time), and she knew the other people involved. As her student starts to do the research for the case, it turns out that the person who was arrested and imprisoned for the crime might not be guilty. Now, among other things, Bodie has to conquer her own feelings about the ‘self’ that she was, so she can supervise her students and lay her own ghosts to rest.

It’s not always easy to return to one’s hometown or school years later. It’s too easy for people to remember who we were, instead of thinking of us as the adults we are. And sometimes that brings up all the old angst. It’s not pleasant in real life, but it can work very well in crime fiction.

*NOTE: The title of this post is a line from Steely Dan’s My Old School.