Sometimes You Have to be a Little Bit Naughty*

As this is posted, it would have been Roald Dahl’s 109th birthday. As you’ll know, Dahl contributed much to the world of children’s literature. But he also wrote a number of stories that are arguably crime fiction. Some of them are almost whimsical; others are dark, even macabre. Here are a few examples.

In The Landlady, we are introduced to Billy Weaver. He’s just arrived in Bath to start a new job, and he’s looking forward to it. He has a room booked at the Bell and Dragon, but on his way, he notices an inviting-looking B&B. On impulse, he decides to stay there instead of at the Bell and Dragon. As it happens, the landlady tells him she has a room available and welcomes him, asking him to sign the guest book as he gets ready to settle in. It all looks comfortable, warm, and friendly, but it’s not long before we learn that appearances can be quite deceiving…

Lamb to the Slaughter is the story of a cop named Patrick Maloney and his wife, Mary. One evening, Patrick comes home and gives his wife some shocking news. Soon afterwards, he is killed. Mary phones the police, who are soon hot on the trail, as the saying goes.  Patrick was ‘one of them,’ and they’re determined to track down the killer. The only problem is, they can’t find the murder weapon. And that means that they can’t link his death to the culprit. It turns out that the killer has chosen an ingenious weapon.

As The Hitch-Hiker begins, the narrator is driving to the coast in a new car of which he’s very proud. Along the way, he picks up a hitchhiker, as is his wont. The two begin talking, and as you can guess, the narrator is curious about his passenger. The hitchhiker only says that he is in a ‘very skilled profession.’ At one point, the car is stopped for speeding, and the police officer, who’s rather bullying, gives the driver a ticket. The hitchhiker, though, reassures the driver that all will be well. And it turns out that his ‘highly skilled profession’ comes in very handy.

In Nunc Dimittis, we meet wealthy art expert Lionel Lampson. He learns that his girlfriend, Janet de Pilagia, has been insulting him to others. So, he decides to get vengeance on her. He sets in motion a plan to humiliate her with a painting of her that he’s commissioned. The artist has a special technique which involves painting the subject’s portrait in layers, with the clothes painted on afterwards. Lionel plans to remove those paint layers before a public showing of the painting. On the day he’s planned, he gets ready to reveal the painting, but things don’t turn out the way he’d thought they would…

And then there’s Vengeance is Mine, Inc. Claude and George are both strapped for cash. One morning, they’re reading the paper, especially society columnist Lionel Pantaloon’s gossip about some very well-known citizens. Claude figures that those people would love to get back at Pantaloon, but their exalted social position makes that impossible. As Claude sees it, those people might well be willing to pay to have someone else punch people like Pantaloon in the nose, and that whoever did that could earn a tidy living taking other people’s vengeance. So, he and George set up a new company called Vengeance is Mine. They have cards made, and it’s not long before some wealthy, powerful people start hiring them. It’s an interesting business plan, and it has funny results.

Whether they’re dark, whimsical, or more traditional, Dahl’s stories have been very influential. And, as you can see, they are not just children’s stories. Crime finds its way in just about anywhere…

*NOTE: The title of this post is a line from Tim Minchin’s Naughty.