Most of remember warnings and other things our parents used to tell us. You know, ‘Pick up those things! Don’t leave them on the floor.’ Or perhaps, ‘Stop wasting your time watching television, and go do something.’ Those things were meant to help us get ready for adulthood. But did we listen? It all makes me wonder what our top fictional sleuths might have heard as children. If you’ll settle your disbelief with a Netflix film and some snacks, let’s take a look at…

Things Sleuths’ Parents Told Them… 

 

I     Hercule Poirot (Agatha Christie)

‘Hercule, you must stop eavesdropping on others’ conversations. It’s rude.’

‘For once, just leave those things where they are. There’s no need to straighten everything.’

‘Stop complaining about the food and just eat what you’re given.’

‘It doesn’t matter if your shoes get dusty. Stop worrying and come along now.’

 

II     Maud Silver (Patricia Wentworth)

‘Maud, my dear, do go outside and play. You can’t spend the whole day knitting.’

‘Are you feeling ill? That’s the fourth time I’ve heard you cough in the last fifteen minutes. I should take you to a doctor.’

‘Stop trying to pair people up, Maud. You should think about finding your own husband.’

‘Oh, don’t look so innocent. I’m sure you know more than you’re saying.’

 

III     Nero Wolfe (Rex Stout)

‘You’re going to summer camp, Nero, and that’s that. You can’t stay at home forever.’

‘Leave those flowers alone and go play football. That’s what boys do.’

‘Come downstairs right now, Nero. Fifteen minutes one way or the other doesn’t matter.’

‘What did you just say? I can’t understand you when you use those fancy words.’

 

IV     Salvo Montalbano (Andrea Camilleri)

‘Don’t be so grumpy, Salvu. You’re always complaining!’

‘Life’s about more than food, you know. Now, go do your schoolwork.’

‘What did I tell you? You’re going to keep getting in trouble if you insult people who annoy you.’

‘Yes, you have to get up now. The alarm clock’s been ringing. And stop glaring at me!’

 

V     Superintendent Andy Dalziel (ReginalVId Hill)

‘Eat your veg, Andy. It’s good for you. Ye want to grow up big and strong, don’t ye?’

‘Don’t be saying things like that! It’s not fitting.’

‘At least think of going to uni, Andy. Could mean a good job.’

‘Ye won’t get very far yelling at people like that.’

 

VI     Ruth Galloway (Elly Griffiths)

‘Ruth! Stop digging in that dirt and come in right now. You’ll get filthy.’

‘Stay away from those strange kids. They’re no good.’

‘No, you can’t join the Science Club. You have worship on Wednesday afternoons, and religious class on Fridays.’

‘Don’t worry about university. You don’t need an education to find a husband.’

 

Got any additions you’d like to make?