Crime Writer Margot Kinberg

The world of crime fiction was hit with a major stumbling block today when several collective bargaining groups voted to go on strike. Today’s news wasn’t completely unexpected, since these groups have been at the bargaining table for some time. The strike was called last night and will go into effect tomorrow at midnight. Here’s a closer look at some of the striking units and what they want.

Benevolent Brotherhood of Butlers

This group represents the interests of butlers throughout the crime fiction genre. Georges, butler/valet to the famous detective Hercule Poirot (Agatha Christie), has this to say about the group’s aims: ‘Everyone knows how important butlers are to detective stories. And if I may say so, that is exactly why we butlers are increasingly annoyed by the jokes about murderous butlers. We wish to be written and referred to with respect. And, quite frankly, we do hold fictional households together. As often as not, we also have important information that detectives and police find useful. All we ask is to be treated with respect, and not as comic figures. A considerable pay rise would also be – ahem – welcome.’

Society of Femmes Fatales

 This bargaining unit represents all of the vamps, vixens, and other femmes fatales in the crime fiction genre, especially noir novels. The membership is considerable and is headed up by Phyllis Nirdlinger (James M. Cain). In a recent interview, Nirdlinger outlined the union’s position: ‘We femmes fatales have critical roles to play in the genre. We’re the ones who drive the action and spice up the story. We’re independent and often smart, too, so we’re great role models for girls. It’s not our fault we’re beautiful and seductive. And who can blame us for using it to our advantage? It’s a tough world out there and all we’re asking for is a little financial cushion. You know, money, a nice place to live, is that too much to ask? And yet, we’re so often maligned and tut-tutted. We’re not bad, you know. We’re just drawn that way.’

The Association of Sidekicks and Assistants

Most crime-fictional sleuths work with assistants of some sort, so this organization is a large one. It represents fictional sidekicks and assistants throughout the genre. The current president of the group is Archie Goodwin (Rex Stout). Last week he consented to an interview and laid out his bargaining group’s goals. ‘Look, I’m not saying we all have to be top bananas. But let’s be honest; without us, our bosses would be out on their keisters. Take my boss, Nero Wolfe. He doesn’t get anything done without me. We’re getting tired of the lack of respect we get, too. We’re the brains of the outfit, and we want some respect. Just ask my pal Peter Pascoe (Reginald Hill). He takes plenty of guff from his boss. So what we’re saying is, we want the dough to go with how important we really are. And we want to call the shots sometimes. Not too much to ask, you know?’

Tycoons United

This is one of the most powerful bargaining units, and the one that’s considered most likely to be able to win concessions. Headed by Henrik Vanger (Stieg Larsson), this union represents all of the magnates, moguls and moneymakers in the crime-fictional world. Vanger was recently invited as a guest on several of the talk shows, and has given his unit’s position on the issues: “We business leaders are absolutely essential to the genre. We’ve underwritten many projects, and we’ve paid handsomely when we’ve hired sleuths. Some of us have even served as ‘bad guys’ in novels, which I consider quite altruistic. As if that’s not enough, I can’t count the number of our union who have served as fictional victims. What other group can say that? We insist on terms that reflect our importance in the genre and we won’t settle for less. And please stop assuming we’re all evil.’

The Organization of Spouses and Partners

This union represents a large and diverse group of fictional spouses and partners of sleuths from across the genre. This year’s president is Reine-Marie Gamache (Louise Penny). At a recent union meeting, she had this to say about the group’s perspective on the negotiations at hand and on the union’s goal: ‘We may not be the ones who actually solve crimes in the stories. But we play very important roles. We serve as sounding boards for our crime-solving partners. We also provide valuable perspectives on our partners’ characters. Some of us even take part in solving a case. Just ask last year’s president, Paola Falier (Donna Leon). And we don’t just sit at home, either. Many of us have full-time careers of our own. All we’re asking for is a salary that reflects our worth. We would also like at least some birthdays, holidays, and other ‘away’ time in which our partners do not get drawn into a murder investigation.’

 Society of Regular and Recurring Characters

This union is the largest union for non-starring characters. As anyone who knows crime fiction can attest, there are many, many regular and recurring characters who interact with the sleuth. This bargaining group, currently headed by Nicolò Zito (Andrea Camilleri), represents their interests. Zito recently put forth his union’s position in a statement broadcast on Vigatà’s Free Channel, where he works. ‘Regular characters are essential to the ongoing success of any series. We are the characters who make readers feel they’re among friends. We draw them back to a series again and again. And we provide an important set of contacts, friends, and other supports for the sleuths. And yet, we’re treated like lackeys and almost never given main roles to play. This is inherently unfair, and we demand change. We want more scenes, more lines, and starring roles.’

These are the positions that the various unions have taken as they strike. It remains to be seen whether they can come to agreements with crime writers, editors and publishers.