Crime Writer Margot Kinberg

Even if you’ve never seen it, you may be familiar with the TV show Survivor. In it, contestants are placed on teams that compete in a number of different challenges. At the end of each episode, someone is voted out of the group. The game requires intelligence, strong social skills, and resilience, among other things. The challenges are sometimes physical and sometimes mental; usually they’re a combination of both. It got me to wondering what Survivor: Readers might be like. What if readers were grouped into teams and faced specific book lovers’ challenges? If you’ll settle your disbelief with the newest release and a cuppa, let’s take a look at….

Survivor: Readers

Host (the US version is hosted by Jeff Probst): There’s a large bespoke private library at stake and a group of survivors who will play to win it! Who will outlast the rest?

Inspiring theme song plays. On the screen is a montage of the contestants.

The next scene is a large room equipped with four large bookcases. Beside each bookcase we see piles of cartons filled with books. The contests are assembled in two groups.

Probst: OK, today’s challenge is one every book lover faces: how to fit a huge set of books into a limited space. Each team will be given not one, but two bookcases. When I say, ‘Go,’ each team will open the cartons of books and neatly place all of the books onto your bookcases. The first team to get all of the books into the bookcases wins a reward.

There’s a happy murmur among the contestants.

Probst: Wanna see what you’re playing for?

The camera moves to show a large door that opens into another room. The room is outfitted with comfortable chairs, a thick carpet and good lamps On a table in the middle of the room, we can see trays of delicious-looking snacks. Near the trays are urns for tea and coffee, and bottles of different sorts of alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks. Bookshelves line the room. The camera then moves to pan the contestants who are gasping, nudging each other and pointing.

Probst: The winning team will spend two days in this special library. You’ll each choose books you want to read. Special snacks and drinks will be served throughout your visit. At the end of the two days, you’ll have your choice of books to take home.

More gasps of excitement

Probst: Survivors ready? Go!

The two teams scramble to begin opening cartons as Probst narrates what’s happening.

Probst: Team Christie has got its first carton opened – looking good! But oh! Jason’s flipping through a book! He’s going to have to pick up the pace!

A few Team Christie contestants call out ‘Hurry up, Jason!’

Probst: Oh, Team Doyle is catching up! They’re actually on their second carton and the first shelf is already getting filled. Look at Sandi passing those books along! Some Team Doyle  contestants are loudly encouraging Sandi.

Probst: But Team Doyle better keep up the pace! Team Christie has caught up, and Julie’s quickly pushing books into their second shelf. She’s got so much speed. But wait a minute! Team Doyle is moving just as fast! Joseph is quickly getting those cartons open and stacking the books so they can be shelved more quickly. Brilliant idea! Team Christie is starting to go faster, but Team Doyle is not giving an inch!

Probst pauses as the camera focuses on the two teams. There are indistinct shouts of encouragement. All of a sudden, there’s confusion as some of the books begin to tumble.

Probst: Oh, no! Melanie has dropped an armload of books! Now Team Doyle will have to pick those up and put them back. Here’s Team Christie’ chance to get ahead!

There are a few shouts of encouragement to Team Doyle to pick up the books and get them shelved.

Probst: Team Christie is still going strong. Robert is starting to fill the last shelf. But oh! They still have half a carton to shelve! What are they going to do with those last books? Remember, every book must be shelved!

Team Christie stands back and debates what to do, while Team Doyle rapidly shelves the books that were dropped.

Probst: Oh, what an idea! Team Christie is going to use the top of the bookshelves to hold those last books! But without bookends, how are the books going to stay there?

Someone on Team Christie says ‘On their sides! On their sides!’ Two team members put a couple of books on their sides at each end of the top. Another puts the other books in between. The team stands back and points to their finished product.

Probst: And Team Christie wins! The team members jump around and hug each other a bit as Team Doyle looks dejectedly on.

Probst Waving his hand at the dream reading room: Go on and enjoy your reading, Team Christie! Team Christie rushes to explore the reading room as the show goes to commercial.

What do you think? Would you want to be on Survivor: Readers? What challenges could you imagine for the show?