Sleuth Olympics ;-)

The 2020 Olympics will end on Sunday, 8 August, with the closing ceremonies. It’s been quite a series of events, with lots of exciting competition as well as behind-the-scenes drama and human interest. It’s all got me thinking about what it might be like if there were an Olympics for our top fictional sleuths.

Now, of course, you couldn’t expect a lot of the sleuths we love to compete in the usual Olympic events (although, now I think of it, Don Winslow’s Boone Daniels might have a chance at the surfing competition). But what if there were events that were better designed for these sleuths’ particular skills? If you’ll invite your disbelief to check out the remaining track and field events on TV, let’s take a look at…

Sleuth Olympics

Marathon Knitting

Announcer One: I’m Celia Simmons.
Announcer Two: And I’m Tina Tiller.
Celia: And we’re here at the marathon knitting finals. It’s been quite an event so far, with a lot of strong competitors.
Tina: It sure has. And we’re now down to the two top knitting athletes, Miss Jane Marple (Agatha Christie), and Miss Maude Silver (Patricia Wentworth), both representing Great Britain.
Celia: They’ve both been outstanding so far. Each of them has some impressive creations.
Tina: Impressive isn’t the word for it! Now, there were some concerns raised about whether they’d attend this Olympics or would retire. And some people have been wondering about Miss Silver’s health, because of her frequent coughing. But she got a clean bill of health, and neither seems to be showing any signs of slowing down.
Celia: No, indeed. It’s going to be quite a showdown between those two.

Meanwhile, at the…

Pub Crawl

Announcer One: I’m Fred Freeman.
Announcer Two: And I’m Peggy Patton.
Fred: It’s Day Three of the Pub Crawl event, and we’ve seen some exceptional crawling so far.
Peggy: Yes, we have. Right now, E. Morse (Colin Dexter) is in the lead for Great Britain. But he’s got some stiff competition.
Fred: That’s true. John Rebus (Ian Rankin), also representing Great Britain, and Jack Taylor (Ken Bruen), from Ireland, are giving it everything they’ve got, and either one of them could overtake Morse.
Peggy: We’ll have to see what happens as they approach the next pub, The Coachman’s Rest.

Meanwhile, at the…

Outdoor Skills  

Announcer One: I’m Joe Jenkins.
Announcer Two: And I’m Brad Breem.
Joe: It’s the final day of this outdoor skills event, and it’s an important one.
Brad: Absolutely! Some sleuths rely on their survival skills to solve their cases, and this event is featuring some of the best.
Joe: Right now, we’re looking at three major contenders. Napoleon Bonaparte (Arthur Upfield) has been a leader in the outdoors competition for a long while. And he’s bringing Australia awfully close to winning a medal this time, too.
Brad: We can’t discount Anna Pigeon (Nevada Barr), though, who’s representing the United States. She’s a tough competitor who’s had experience in lots of different outdoor environments.
Joe: That certainly puts her in a good position, Brad. And let’s not forget her countryman Walt Longmire (Craig Johnson). He’s a veteran of survival skills, and he’s been working hard. The Americans could do very well in this event.

Meanwhile, at the…

Gourmand Finals

Announcer One: I’m Lisa Logan.
Announcer Two: And I’m Paul Powers.
Lisa: We’ve finally reached the finals of the Gourmand events, and I have truly never seen more dedicated competitors.
Paul: Neither have I, Lisa. People forget how important sharing a meal can be in solving cases, but these sleuths have mastered it. It’s a joy to watch them.
Lisa: Yes, it is. Now, we’ve been following a few of the gourmands very closely. One is the legendary Nero Wolfe (Rex Stout), who’s representing the United States. He’s devoted himself to fine food.
Paul: I’ve heard he even has his own chef.
Lisa: He does, indeed. But he’s not the only one who’s in serious contention here. There’s also Hercule Poirot (Agatha Christie). He’s been living in London for quite some time, but he’s actually Belgian, so he decided to represent that country this time.
Paul: I thought he was French. But there’s no mistaking the background of Salvo Montalbano (Andrea Camilleri). He’s from Sicily, and is representing Italy here today. And giving a fine performance. He’s definitely going to give Wolfe and Poirot a run for their money.

Meanwhile, at the…

Academics

Announcer One: I’m Marlena Michaels.
Announcer Two: And I’m Seth Sawyer.
Marlena: Welcome to the final elimination in the Academics event.
Seth: It’s especially exciting because it’s the first time Academics has been included in the Sleuth Olympics. Some of the finest sleuths are academics, and it’s great to see them here.
Marlena: It is fantastic! And what an event we’ve seen so far. Joanne Kilbourn (Gail Bowen) has been really impressive for Canada, hasn’t she?
Seth: Yes, she has, Marlena. She’s been talked about as a natural for the gold. But she’ll have to get by some formidable competition.
Marlena: That’s right. For one, there’s Ruth Galloway (Elly Griffiths), Great Britain’s powerhouse. Cassandra James (Christine Poulson) is also here for Great Britain, and doing very well.
Seth: And there’s Japan’s Manabu Yukawa (Keigo Higashino). He doesn’t always get the media attention that the others do, but he’s got considerable skill. This is going to be quite a competition!

So, what do you think? What Sleuth Olympic events would you want to see?

ps. It wasn’t easy to choose sleuths for all of these events, because there are so many good ones. And I didn’t even attempt events like ‘Attorneys and Trials’ – far, far too many good competitors for me to list them all!


10 thoughts on “Sleuth Olympics ;-)

  1. What a wonderful idea for a post and the timing is perfect. I do know some Olympic sleuths. Somehow several Canadian entrants were missed.

    Pub Crawl – Fred: Well, well, well, what a sight! Jed “Hammerhead” Ounstead (A.J. Devlin) is carrying a 2” x 4” board in his massive left hand while drinking a perfectly poured Guinness with his right. He’s putting down the Guinness. What’s going on?
    Peggy: Oh my goodness gracious! He just broke the board over his own head! And now he has challenged the other contestants to break boards over their heads! Pub crawls in the colonies must be amazing!
    Fred: I think I just heard Morse say somewhere will have to freeze over before he does something as daft as hitting his head with a board.

    Outdoor skills – Joe: We have a late entrant. Mattessie Kitogitak (Scott Young) has just arrived with his team of huskies pulling him on his sled.
    Brad: It is amazing since we have no snow!
    Joe: Now Brad, Mattessie has one of those ultra new sleds with the frictionless runners designed to glide over all surfaces.

    Gourmand Finals – Lisa: I am sorry to advise that Russell Quant (Anthony Bidulka) has just withdrawn. He thought the final event was drinking flights of aquavit instead of a fourth meal today (preliminaries, quarter finals, semi finals and now finals).
    Paul: He may be only a rookie but he should have known better. The Gourmand events are all about food.
    Lisa: It always would have been hard for a youngster such as Quant. Gourmand is weighted to the seniors who have worked decades to expand their stomachs to accommodate the demands of four multi-course meals in one day.

    Academics: Marlena: And don’t forget Canada’s second entrant, Randy Craig (Janice MacDonald) from Edmonton. I hear as an English professor she is a strong contender in the fastest reader event.
    Seth: No surprise there. It is amazing how swiftly those professors flip through the pages of the designated essay.
    Marlena: A cynical person might wonder if they are actually reading the essay.
    Seth: I am shocked Marlena, just shocked, that you would think an academic might not fully read an essay.

    Sorry this comment is so long. I got caught up in the concept. The Sleuth Olympics concept is so clever. Would it be alright if I were to put up a link to your post on my blog? I would also post my comments. I would like to invite readers having seen my comment to go over to your blog for the full story.

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    1. Bill, these are absolutely brilliant! I actually thought of both Matteesie and Randy Craig (Russell Quant, too), but you included them far better than I would have. I can just imagine Matteesie’s sled and Randy Craig flipping through essays. You really did a fantastic job with this, and made my post so much better because of it. I really like the way you wrote the dialogue between the commentators, too.

      You’re welcome to link to the post – that would be awfully kind of you. And thanks for adding so much to my post.

      Like

  2. I think you and Bill have covered most of the the bases. Spooky timing, as I have ‘Hammerhead’ and AJ Devlin featuring on the blog today!

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